Thursday, October 08, 2009
The Next Big Cure for Global Warming: Condoms!
Image by Erik Cleves Kristensen via FlickrStop the presses! Stop the presses! The London School of Economics has discovered the solution to global warming: Condoms!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, birth control will save us all from the hypothesized temperature increase, sea level rise, polar bear demise, and the need for extra interns at the World Meteorological Organization (which is tasked with finding unique names for hurricanes) resulting from greenhouse gas emissions.
Last month the School released a study sponsored by the Optimum Population Trust (OPT) titled, "Fewer Emitters, Lower Emissions, Less Cost." Its report concluded that "family planning methods should be a primary tool in the optimum strategy for reducing carbon emissions." The authors' reasoning is sound - if not ominously Malthusian - namely, they argue that the more children mankind produces, the more people there are to engage in carbon emitting activities. Further, using condoms is an easier and cheaper method of carbon abstention than, say, using solar-powered vehicles.
The chairman of OPT, Roger Martin, was thrilled the study validated his think tank's mission: to save the planet via a decrease in the human population "It's always been obvious that total emissions depend on the number of emitters as well as their individual emissions – the carbon tonnage can't shoot down, as we want, while the population keeps shooting up." He and his group have since called on international leaders to include population control mechanisms as part of the negotiations at the Copenhagen climate change summit in December.
While it is amusing to poke fun at the premise's simplicity and overt sexual overtones, the London School's conclusions are profoundly disturbing. They highlight the truly ant-ihuman approach to environmental policies some anthropogenic global warming crusaders advocate. Indeed, if a catastrophe caused by manmade global warming is truly imminent, using their logic, the most effective remedy would be the mass extinction of that evil, omnivorous, environment altering, CO2 breathing species: humanity.
Ironically, quite chilling.
Posted by Caroline May at 6:20 PM